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Elizabeth Croft

Beth Croft writes stuff

Three pieces of advice this month!

Three pieces of advice I got this month that helped me so might help you too!

1. Everyone says to drink more water, I always try and fail so what I can advise is swap out caffeine drinks for fruit teas if you can, they have a lot of health benefits and it really makes a difference. A particular one I found this month was Stinging nettle tea, I was told it is good for stomach cramps/blood flow and as someone who tends to get nausea/extreme pain during that time of the month I found it incredibly helpful. Its fairly cheap too and really had an effect.

2. My laptop screwed up and erased all my info, I cant stress the importance of backing up regularly and luckily I did that, for everything but my music :/

I searched the web endlessly and found nothing that helped and then came across a yahoo answers advising a website called Diskaid. It does the same thing that most software of that kind does, only lets you download a few songs before asking for it to be brought/registered. HOWEVER if you change the date on your pc/laptop to before you downloaded it, it will trick it into letting you download more music! Hooray! http://imazing.com/

3. This is going to sound fairly basic but as a final piece of advice, write to do lists.
If you’re working lots/trying to keep up with everything and its stressing you out try to keep a small book with you or make a basic list at the start of the week with everything that needs doing that week on it. It does wonders for the mind having everything out on a piece of paper and I find that I don’t feel as useless when I’ve managed to cross off one or two things a day. They don’t need to be big, but when you are dealing with a mental illness or even just a little bit of extra stress it can really help on those days when you can barely move.

Hope you are well, I appreciate every like and follow and I hope any of this advice helps! ❤

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Vanity Publishers to watch out for

PSA FOR WRITERS
OK so I’ve been entering competitions this way and that and a while ago I was super happy to get a letter back from United Press offering publication, excited as I was I agreed and sent off the money for the book I would be published in at a reduced price.

I applied again when another comp came up and got another letter saying I was in for another anthology which I found suspicious but a pleasant surprise. At the time I was unwell so forgot to agree to their publishing my poem, then today I received an email stating they wanted me to submit 10 poems and for the low price of 200 I could receive 20 copies!!! What a deal right?!?

Nope, I should have looked it up the first time around but was so excited to win that I didn’t think it unusual to have to pay for my own book. United Press is a vanity publisher, they publish everything they are given and make their money by charging the writers for the books they are in. It sucks and I’m really hurt but £25 isn’t as bad as it could be, according to others online I still might get a copy of the book so that’s something at least. Still this is a warning to learn from my mistake.

– Always research the company the competition is for first
– If they ask for money for the book be suspicious, normal publishers will give you a free copy of the book you are in as a reward for winning/being a runner up.
– if you are targeted by this kind of thing please remember that you are still a very good writer, I was upset as their publishing everything made me feel as though my work wasn’t worth much but then I spoke to other published writers who had experienced similar things when they began. Don’t let money grabbing idiots make you feel bad, keep doing what you love and in time you’ll get there

I hope this helps, if I actually get a copy of the book I paid for ( which I doubt) I’ll update this post either way be careful out there guys and keep writing x

My new book is out!!!!

Yay!! I’m sorry I’ve been so quiet recently! I hope everybody had an amazing Christmas and happy new year, I had a great time and then spent all of January kind of ill and writing! Because of this I finally have my first full book out, Study Sessions.

Copy of thedream.png

Emily Novak has it bad for Talia Sutton, from trying not to stare at her body in the gym to daydreaming about kissing her in class watching her give presentations; Emily is head over heels. When they are put together for an assignment it feels like the universe is telling them they should be together right? But Emily soon learns that the real struggle arises from what they aren’t telling each other.

A lesbian romance/erotica from the author of Under the boardroom table, Decadence Productions and As he sleeps beside me.

It is now available on kindle and Kobo too!

It is your typical girls falling for each other in college together type story with a slight twist. I was really excited to write this book because I got to write a character who is demisexual! It is never specified in the novel but it is implied and it meant a lot to me. Although I love porn as you all well know my relationship with real life people has often been a bit different. I’ve often fancied fictional characters but got nothing out of kissing real people. I thought I was really weird having only had sexual feelings for a few people despite dating quite a few but my best friend who is asexual introduced me to Demisexuality and it was like a light switched on in my head because I knew I had a high sex drive, I love talking about it, writing it and I certainly love doing it but it was only ever with certain people that I felt anything. Coming out as bisexual was easy for me, I’ve fallen in love with people from all genders my whole life but sexual arousal was a different thing entirely.

“A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. It’s more commonly seen in but by no means confined to romantic relationships. The term demisexual comes from the orientation being “halfway between” sexual and asexual” (this link is a good description too

 

It meant a lot to me to include this in my novella! I really hope you all enjoy this book, I’m planning on publishing a lot more this year and getting more of my work out there. Hope you’re all doing well 🙂

Beth x

 

 

 

Storytime with Beth

The streets are hidden in fog as she steps through the gates, she knows that no one will be there to bother her. She cuts through the side steps picks the golden leaves off of her shoe and shuffles to clear the dirt from her soles. She likes to be the first one in. She likes to turn the lights on, to walk around the IT room and turn on each computer and screen and hear the whirr of static screens and slowly heating fans. It will take around three minutes for each one to boot up and another two minutes to load the internet on hers.

She cannot search the words Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual or Transgender as even the mention of lGBT rights is banned on the computer system but hardcore japanese tentacle porn is however just fine, she searches through forums upon forums and copy and paste as she sits there rearranging page after page of complete R rated manga and standing by the slowly warming printer as she prints each page chewing at the skin around her fingernails knowing that at any moment the first group of girls will come into their form room and she will have to hide all of her work.

There is no fucking way to explain this shit. If anyone even catches a glimpse of what she has printed, of what she has searched for and put together and written about she knows her life will be absolutely over and my god does that make her wet and fuck does that do things to her knowing what she’s just printed off on the school printer and will keep hidden in her science notes. She sits in maths just thinking about it untill she gets home and goes through her prize and nearly makes herself pass out from home many times she makes herself come in a row. Two years later they will get wifi at her home and she will be able to search for whatever she wants but it won’t be the same.

***

Hello everyone my name is Beth and yes during my teen years I went into my school IT room and printed out hentai manga every damn day because the school internet banned advice and help for LGBT teens but made porn easy to obtain. (Welcome back to this blog with a tale of teenage me getting off, did you miss me?)

The thing is sure yeah teenagers look at porn thats normal but it still makes me laugh thinking about it because the shit that I was into and still am into was in no way explainable. (also fuck those school boards for being homophobic cunts for not even putting in the full effort if they were really trying to “protect the children” from sensitive material.)

Now weird shit on the internet is fine, everyone’s stumbled upon something gross, a while ago a video of a guy literally fucking a burger was trending on twitter and facebook. Back then however everyone I knew had just discovered bebo and Myspace. Yes I was part of a group of self proclaimed weirdos who wrote yaoi fanfiction and made jokes about BL manga but even in that group (save for one other person who was deeply into BDSM yaoi) did I slightly hint at the shit I was into. If anyone wants any clues to the manga (it was far, far worse than tentacle porn) blame my Mum who worked in a video shop and inadvertently gave me accsess to Wicked City, Monster City and Legend of the Overfiend. (Shout out to Black Dog hentai and the hours of Sailor Moon related pleasure those manga’s gave me)

Now the internet is wonderful, I can search (with names for the things!!!) the kinks that I have and find books, films, manga tumblr blogs dedicated to it. It makes me proud to think of how far we have come, every day I find things that make me think and reconsider my limits. Sometimes this is a bad thing, often this is a good thing, more likely its an unsure thing that turns into “ok yes definitely why had I never thought about this before.”

I hope everyone is well and that you enjoyed this weird flashback, please tell me what your first experiance with “erotic material” was and also how you have been! I am so sorry for the lack of posting.

All my love,

Beth

May and June

This has been a harsh few months.

It gets hard when you have a mental illness to be creative and indulge in your passions, it gets even harder when someone who was intensely important to you is lost and in the same space of time you have to be transferred from the occupation you love and are evicted from the house you’ve made into a home.

I’ve lied a lot, I’ve said “I’m doing ok” more times than I can count but of course that is simply not true. I threw myself into work, I worked and I slept and I grieved in my own way and it’s only now that I’m settled into my new job and we are in the process of packing to move into a new home that I feel more like myself and able to talk about it.

My family is small, my Grandma was a huge part of it. She was vicious and nasty and wonderful and she loved fiercely and fought through a lot in her life. She made family out of people, she had a bad word to say about everybody and I loved her so much that I feel like something in me has torn. She couldn’t make it to my wedding and I knew then that it was the end for her. She lived her life exactly how she wanted she was determined and stubborn and I used to associate these things negatively but honestly she was so right.

She suffered no fools she said what she felt and she inspired me. I still have her number in my phone and sometimes I hover over it and it’s all too weird to me that this vocal person whose house was filled with trinkets and conversations and sassyness and gossip magazines is just gone.

When I was younger and severely bullied she told me she was a witch and that she would boil the other children alive and skin them for me and I giggled. We would watch horrible medical dramas together, she aided in my love of trash and gore and I loved her so so much.

People keep telling me ‘It will be ok’ and ‘life goes on’ and ‘to keep on going’ I know they mean well but fuck them. I’ve been so stressed and angry and upset and then the moment I let go and cried and yelled and ranted I felt so much better. You need to grieve, people need to be angry, they need to vent and cry and get cross about stupid things because the bigger things are affecting them in ways that are so fucking hard to process.

I am a very different person now to who I was before and that is both a good and sad thing. To those who are also grieving I stand with you, I am here for you and we will slowly day by fucking day get through this and it will hurt but all there is is to keep going and eventually you start to laugh again and you start to focus on the best and better moments.

I will be updating. I have big plans. Thank you for sticking with me and commenting and following me. I hope you’re all doing ok out there.

xxx

Thinking on things

Pursuing a career out of your passion when you struggle with mental health issues is a tricky one.

For one thing the passion you have may not make money straight away, or enough to cover your basic living costs. This results in the issue of having to work another job on top of your passion and then dealing with your mental well-being. You can often find the more you work, the more you push yourself to appear good at your job and not held back by your illness, the more tired you are, the less you want to do anything on your actual days off.
I suffer with depression and anxiety disorder and have for most of my life. I am very very lucky in that although I have been fired twice my work history is relatively good and I find it easier to get into a job and work hard, I can put on a good mask and pretend I don’t feel physically drained by other people to the point where others have been genuinely stunned when they have found out that I suffer from crippling depression and anxiety. I’ve never had trouble finding a job, the jobs I have worked have been terrible and soul destroying but I’ve been thankful to have them.

So why am I making this post today?
Because I have three books on the go, I feel like I’m failing by not having written anything in a really long time and although I have been promoted (yay!) it again is not something in my chosen field.
I used to feel terrible about this, I used to think I would never do anything, amount to anything and would end up in a job I disliked with my degree and my passion far behind me. I guess I’m making this post today to prove a point.
I am in this for the long ride. I don’t care how long it takes me, I don’t care if I never see my books on bookshelves and it exists alone on kindles and kobo’s so long as someone out there is reading and enjoying my work, that is good enough for me. People talk about that like its a negative thing as though I am holding myself back by not pushing myself every single day and destroying myself in the process. Why? Why should I have to? My brain does not function the same way as others may do so why is it held to the same standard of what is and what isn’t an accomplishment?

We spend so long pushing ourselves and looking at our achievements only in the light of another persons that we often don’t see it for what it truly is and you can’t and shouldn’t live like that. How on earth will you ever appreciate yourself if you’re only looking at yourself next to others examples?
I married the love of my life, I have a job I love and am good at, a rented house that feels like home and two blogs and four books published.

Last year I tried to kill myself again, I had been fired and had lost my house, two years before that I was near housebound with my anxiety and had shut down so badly that my husband had to ensure I had bathed and eaten because all I did was slept.
I don’t feel near done with what I want to do but looking back on my achievements so far today it makes me feel less shit when I spend my days off sleeping because work has tired me out too much to do anything creatively. It takes time. I’ll get there. You’ll most definitely get there.

Take this as a small reminder. Do what you love, appreciate where your journey has brought you and don’t compare yourself to others unless it’s in a constructive setting.
Thank you for the comments and likes I appreciate them all so much, next post will hopefully be less sappy and more about fucking and books which involve that.

xx

Thoughts on Porn.

It’s another weird mood kind of day.

I’m gonna say it, I find porn difficult now.

Not porn itself of course, its wonderful and weird and when you find the right source material its the best few minutes (I’m casting assumptions here sorry) of your life. But I find the act of finding the source material frustrating. Say you want something basic, girl gets tied down and has her wand held to her. Should be easy to find a video like that right? Yes and No. On one hand there should be and technically are, a multitude of different videos to choose from, on the other hand barely any of them is exactly what you imagined let alone enough to actually get you off and they look exactly the same every time.

I think I’m picky, its partially having a varied sex life and even more varied imaginative mind and partially not being able to stand certain accents, afflictions or phrases. Certain expressions are instant turn offs, I can be into a video and so god damn close and the slightest turn of phrase will have me reeling and back at square one. And it sounds cliche and you will no doubt roll your eyes at it, but one of my main issues is I find it very hard to get off on thing’s that don’t make me feel anything-i.e. it looks completely fake. Yes, its usually scripted, yes they are adult actors, I’m well aware of that. But what I am referring to is that I want to watch people have fun, amazing sex, particularly, I want to see orgasms and for some reason “real women orgasm” has become its own fetish on porn sites where surely it should feature in the majority of videos. Being into BDSM and wanting to find this makes it even more difficult. You can find videos of women being spanked, tortured, whipped etc and looking like they are loving it but when they come you often find yourself thinking really?

There are few exceptions to this rule, Magdalene St Michaels is a goddess. I mean it. Every video I have seen her in with another woman they look like their soul is leaving their body, Crashpad do amazing things.There’s legions of amazing adult stars. God knows Reddit has enough boards to find whatever material it is you need. My frustration however is why is it such a god damn search?

I think sexuality is wonderful, if everyone is consenting and happy then by all means celebrate and do whatever it is that floats your boat. But this rise in what I’m just going to refer to as torture porn because fuck it, worries me so much. It’s not the video you watch that’s the issue its the ads on the side. You can’t watch something basic without some worrying advert beside it (even with ad-blocker on) that shows some girl getting anally torn with tears streaming down her face. Maybe she likes it, maybe its her thing but if it’s not your thing its gotten harder and harder to avoid and this is from someone who likes nastier things, whose first experience of sexual arousal was watching Hellraiser. I could be watching some amateur video of some girl getting her breasts torn to shreds and loving it but if I see one of those side ads where it’s advertising “brutal fucking” I instantly recoil. That doesn’t mean I don’t like “brutal” sex but at least I know when I’m part of it or writing it it’s enjoyable. The look on those girls faces says “at least I can pay rent this month” not “fuck yes harder!” Obviously this is just a glimpse of the video, she could be coming hard and love her job and these particular scenes but you don’t know that, you get a chance glance at some GIF where she’s crying and looks more like she’s in pain than pleasure and it instantly fills me with guilt because you don’t know and then you realize you don’t know if the video you’re watching is any better and the “amateur” girl is also just an amazing actress who hates her job.

It bothers me, it bothers me for those reasons but also because its become the mainstream norm of pornography and I’ve heard it from my cousins, friends and others that its impacted today’s generation so severely now that I know 15 year olds who think a guy saying he wants to cum on your face in your first initial conversation, is a compliment.

I’m not going to rant about “today’s generation” and I certainly don’t think banning anything will do any good. In fact I think the opposite. Put more porn out there, give people more options. When I was younger and went to the corner shop to get milk I would always look at the top shelf of porn mags and feel tempted to buy one, when I finally did I felt insanely grossed out, all I could see were readers wives stories and fake breasts, so I read books, scoured every film I could find and searched out for things that appealed to me.

That’s what this generation needs, that’s what people need in general. That’s why I love erotica writers and amateur porn actors and actresses and people who talk about their kinks openly with no shame. People need to know there are other things then what’s being offered to them, they need to know there are options, they need to know how to search for it and whoever it is who makes these sites needs to stop fucking advertising weird cartoon family guy porn alongside every video of pornhub or whatever when I’m really trying to get off.

 

As ever thank you for the comments and likes, hope you’re all doing well.

Beth x

Trope loving trash

So I love tropes. Im trash and I don’t care. I’m a hopeless romantic and I cry at everything and I refuse to believe that there is something inherently wrong with that.

Tropes are something that I’ve been told to deter from from day one of starting to write, motifs that are overplayed in TV and film to the point that they have specific names and everyone seems to have some ridiculous notion that you cant take old genres or stereotypes in fiction and make them your own. I call that bullshit.Where is the fun in life if you can’t appreciate classic storytelling and the themes and motifs that make your heart melt ( and other areas of your body do things). One of my friends regularly mocks me for my love of terrible plot things, montages, dramatic moments in TV shows and of course tropes.

If you started writing via fanfiction you will have experienced the best and worst of this. High School AU’s, we have to stay in a motel and there’s only one bed, my relative is getting married and you have to pretend to be my date, we got stuck in a lift together, we’re the last people left on earth. Literally erotica seems to be made of these wonderful little cliches.

Some of these are rightfully terrible and wonderful for that, some are just plain bad, but (and I guarantee you this) everyone who writes or reads fanfiction has a favourite trope.

Mine? Oooh too many to list but I am exceptionally fond of

-person saved by monster genuinely falls in love with monster (and they totally do the nasty)

– person falls in love with head of a gang and ends up joining them and becoming “bad”

– person A tries to make person B jealous by sleeping with Person C but person B just joins in and stuns person A (and makes person C very happy and confused)

I swear if I could remember the names of these I could list a billion. They range from “couple bickers and argues 24/7 but are actually totally in love and constantly have amazing sex together to the surprise of everyone”  to “Person A has crush on person B and hides it but is found out in an embarrassing way and Person B loves it and seduces them”.

Having said that there are hundreds that I cannot stand that I wish would die a fiery death. Usually along the two heteronormative childhood best friends love each other but cant tell each other!!!!! line of things or the “nerd girl has make over and was attractive all along!” These I feel have been done to death. And love triangles! I’m tired of love triangles, if it doesn’t end with them all together in a happy poly relationship that I don’t care which team you’re on and why so and so is better than blablabla.

I’m in a funny mood today. As ever thank you for your comments,  what are your favourite tropes? Or least favourite for that matter?

I hope you’re all doing great!

Beth

 

Beth Croft – Smut Peddler Extraordinaire!

My husband was joking with me the other day about my work and said the words “Beth Croft: Smut Peddler Extraordinaire!” and after laughing about it for a while it got me thinking about how much I love the casual way we talk about these things and how much I genuinely love what I write.

My family and friends know without a doubt the kind of person I am and where my interests lie, I have mentioned previously that my parents were at the start of introducing me to all things spooky and weird so I have never be ashamed of my writing with regards to them seeing it. My mum actually told me before when I mentioned I was having a low mood kind of day;

“Write some porn or violence, that always cheers you up!”

My family are wonderful and weird and I grow prouder of them day by day, however the rest of the world’s attitude is somewhat different.

There already exists a large stigma against people who self publish- I find it frustrating beyond all reason. For a lot of people this is a wonderful medium to write in, be inspired by and for some even earn their own way! Yet for others because it is done off of your own back and not a third party it is constantly referred to as “not real writing” or “oh so you’re not really published if you’re on kindle.” this is the kind of attitude that makes me want to scream and throw things but however much you try to alter these perspectives, the outcome is always the same. Its a waste of time, they will not understand and the more you talk the more they tilt their head sympathetically and say “Good for you!” in that disgusting simper.

I self publish because I love it, I love how quick and easy the process is, I love being in control of my own work, I love the networking side, I love the fact that I can do my day job- well more like night job- work 35-45 hours a week and come home and write for fun and just send it on out there and read stories from over people doing the same thing. There is a passion there and motivation and its wonderful to watch and be part of it. In short self publishing makes me happy and I stand for and by it completely.

This doesn’t mean to say that I don’t still seek out traditional publishing,I do still want to see my work on bookshelves in Waterstones one day. However there comes an issue with regards to the stories I want to write and it involves the very stigmatized view of erotica and romantic fiction with Queer narratives.. I looked up many different publishers for my works, my latest book Under The Boardroom Table was a much longer story and may still become one but at the moment it exists as a single short story, easy to read, more than easy to get off too, I found it fun to write and as I researched the different books on the market, found the singular short stories at a £1 each more than worth buying and re-reading.

It was originally however a romance novel with far more BDSM themes, I wrote it, edited it and when I thought about applying to publishers I did my research and then laid in bed for a while in a low mood spiral.

See Queer romance came in two categorizes in traditional publishing (in England)

-You have your loveydovey lesbian fiction (but only purely gay. Men can be a thing of the past but no bisexual characters or anything other than gold star lesbianism)

-erotica novels which can involve lesbian sub plots but they cannot end up with the main character. (seriously what the hell)

Neither of these allow for any of the following- polyamorous relationships, bloodplay, knifeplay, bondage, erotic asphyxiation, roleplay (that’s not sexy schoolgirl or light hearted kitten play) and form of bdsm that goes deeper than spanking, paddles or slight rope.

I was stumped. How the hell was I going to publish this? I liked my BDSM safe, sane and consensual sure but I also liked it nasty with blood and bruises and lust. My character’s were not always typical gay leads, they were bi or pan or queer. I re-read my story and gave up putting it on the back burner for a while. 

Until I found this blog- http://orphansurvivalguide.com/self-publishing-erotica-101/

I read as many of the free erotica books I could find on kindle and kobo and I was hooked, editing my stories to make them fit as perfect little erotica novelettes and sending them out. It was thrilling and wonderful being able to write exactly what I wanted and even better, read the things that others were creating too.

This may be a pseudonym, I have to keep my private life a slight secret purely for the fact that my parents work in the public sector, but I have never shyed away from the fact that yes I write porn and yes I love doing so. Maybe one day I will send something to a traditional publisher and it will miraculously pass all the boundaries and end up on shelves but for the meantime there is a sincere element of pride to be part of this community and in control of my own work!

***

I would just like to say a big Hi! and thank you to everyone who followed/ commented! It was the nicest thing ever to see and I hope you enjoy my posts and what I have to see even if I do come off a bit ranty sometimes 🙂

Thank you so much, hope you are all well!

Much love, Beth x

 

 

 

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